PANDORUM (2009)

In lieu of my usual spiel about who directed it and who was in it, etc. I’m just going to skip straight to the freaking review, because a) I’ve already seen this movie and b) I find it enjoyable in an extremely creepy way and nothing anyone else can say will dissuade me. However if you must know it was directed by Christian Alvart (known for literally nothing else that I’ve ever heard of) and it stars Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster (one of the bad guys in 3:10 to Yuma amongst a few other such roles), Cam Giganet (a pretty face that was also in Easy A), and Antje Traue (Faora in Man of Steel).

Spoilers below as per usual.

The bad news is that literally the only people of color are a)a black guy who is only interested in cannibalizing the ship’s survivor’s and b) someone who we are led to believe is probably Asian and of course knows how to drop some sick martial arts type moves to save all the white people from the bad guys and of course gets killed before the finale. Also the obligatory part where he did it because he went crazy.

The good news is that Antje Traue is a bad ass and is fully instrumental in saving the ship and while there was a suggestion of romance it wasn’t something they stopped to capitalize on.

For a B-Movie it’s pretty good in that it has a lot of dark creepy effects and a good air of mystery. The twist I think is an interesting take especially for a space movie which makes it’s standard horror movie approach a little more bearable. There is of course the questioning of human nature and what happens when we leave the safety of earth behind and so on and so forth. All of the actors give fairly good performances though it’s hard to unsee Ben Foster as a bad guy since he seems to do a lot of those types of roles now. While it doesn’t age particularly gracefully and is a definite B-movie it has it’s own B-movie charm with enough cool little things to make it worth a watch.

cupcakecupcakecupcakecupcakecupcake out of 10! Standard B-Movie fare with a worthwhile twist and lots of good creepy moments.

||MISERY (1990)||   Rated R

Directed By: Rob Reiner (Stand By Me 1986,The Princess Bride 1987, When Harry Met Sally 1989, A Few Good Men 1992)

Starring: James Caan (The Godfather 1972, Elf 2003), Kathy Bates (Fried Green Tomatoes 1991, Titanic 1997, American Horror Story 2013-2016), Richard Farnsworth (Anne of Green Gables 1985 TV mini-series)

IMDB (Rating: 7.8/10) || (A) Few days after being rescued and sheltered from a car crash caused by a blizzard by a nurse who claims to be his number one fan, a well-known author begins suspecting the mental health of his savior.

Rotten Tomatoes (TomatoMeter: 89% CERTIFIED FRESH) || Based on the Stephen King novel, Misery casts James Caan as romance writer Paul Sheldon. After a car accident, Sheldon is trapped in his vehicle in the middle of a blizzard; on the brink of death, he is rescued by Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), a former nurse who carries the writer to her home to recover. It turns out that Annie is a huge fan of Sheldon’s work, which consists of a series of romance novels about a character named Misery Chastain; Paul, wanting to explore more serious work, has decided to kill Misery in order to write a raw, autobiographical book about life on the streets. Annie, who has lived almost vicariously through the Misery Chastain books for years, is livid over the harsh language of Paul’s book, but becomes almost crazed upon discovering Misery’s fate. To teach the bedridden man a lesson, she forces him to burn the autobiographical manuscript and resurrect Misery; after learning of Annie’s murderous past, he knows that Misery’s return to life will mark the end of his own.

Awards: Kathy Bates won the Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role (1991) as well as the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Leading Role (1991). Received various other nominations and awards.

||THE QUICK HIT||

Love It, Like It, Gotta Leave It.

Hashtags: #kathybatesno! #omgnooooooo #can’tlook #wetoldyoutofixthatfuckingpenguinstatue #sheknewallalong #NOTTHESHERIFF #NOOOOO #thereisalotofmetanalaysistobehadregardingthecurrentauthorfanrelationshipsrightnow #she’sgonnakillthatpig #holyshitIcan’tbelieveshedidn’tkillthepigandhavethemeatit

Does this movie pass the Bechdel Test? No
Does this movie pass the Mako Mori Test? No (I would argue with Anni as the antagonist this story is all about Paul Sheldon’s dilemma)
Contains ‘Other’ Pro-Feminist Leanings? Yes, while Annie Wilkes is hardly a feminist hero the sheriff’s wife provides a surprising feminist characterization that provides a bit of humor in between the dark parts of this film.

Did it age well (any film pre-2001)? Pretty well, it’s obviously dated because of no cell phones and such but the lack of blood and gore and utilization of the outdoor shots keep this film fairly polished looking.

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